The Chime Winge

I was determined that my September 2008 blog was my final entry, but I feel compelled to rant.

This whinge is not about the worldwide economic meltdown nor about the mind-numbing violence in Gaza. It’s not even about the diamond-studded Rolex I’m waiting to receive from Madoff.

This is about hatred.

There are a few tangible things I really hate:
-I hate those little dry shrimps they put in so much good Asian food (and anything that smells like shrimp paste), sea slugs, abalone, chou doufu, bitter melon (”ku gua”) and durian.
-I hate it when hotels/restaurants have musicians play at tables (and the 20 minutes of dread watching them slowly approaching across the room….).
-I hate misbehaved children, snoring men and loud sniffling (excuse me, that’s what tissues were invented for…sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifle) people on airplanes.
-I hate mimes, clowns and Raggedy Ann dolls (they all scare me and I just want to slap mimes…get a job people).
-And, I really, really, REALLY hate wind chimes.

My husband says I have “dog” ears…I can hear high pitches that many people cannot. This obviously includes wind chimes, which to me is far worse than the sounds of fingernails scraping down a blackboard. Every tinkle tinkle is like someone hammering nails into my head.

According to Wikipedia:
“Wind chimes are chimes constructed from suspended tubes, rods or other objects and are often made of metal or wood. Wind chimes are usually hung outside of a building and are intended to be played by the wind.”

Let me point out that Kuala Lumpur is very windy. Every day.

We live on the 6th floor of an upscale residential complex. There are seven buildings in this complex. I noticed when we returned from our holidays in Bali on 24 December that someone, somewhere in this complex had put wind chimes out on their balcony. Just as we returned home and I was about to settle on our balcony with husband and visiting mother for a cocktail, I noticed an extremely high pitched “ching ching ching”….”ching”…”ching ching ching ching” …not only were these wind chimes, but these sounded like industrial, heavy duty feng shui wind chimes.

It is not only the sound of wind chimes that makes me turn into a ranting, screaming, pacing lunatic, but it is the fact that the sounds are not in a regular pattern…just when you think the wind has settled and the air goes quiet, suddenly there is a gust and “ching ching ching ching ching ching”, ad nauseum. Think of me as the Grinch at the beginning of the cartoon with the gong mallet pounding in his eyes “All that NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE!!!!”

So obviously, something had to be done. I am already known in the management office here for raging about the expat tenants below who insist on BBQing right below our balcony such that we often have the smell of burning sausage/fish (with shrimp paste sauce)/meats and carcenogenic fumes bellowing up into our cocktails (plus they use lighter fluid…lovely). I have given up even trying to complain about screaming children at the pool as they come with the territory (although the Apt. “House Rules” guarantee each tenant’s right to “peaceful enjoyment”…yeah, right).

I can mantra myself into a great deal of patience about many issues, but wind chimes are not one of them. Screaming babies and ululating all day and all night = wind chimes in my dictionary. So obviously, something had to be done.

I had to wait until 26 December to complain to the management office. From my experience to date (a little over one year now), there are two competent office managers here (and one of them is on maternity leave…how dare she!) and two new pretty much imcompetent ones…the kind that nod yes and then do nothing. Which is what happened. The other competent manager (let’s call her Ms. Toco, short for “The Only Competent One”) was on holiday leave.

As my husband explained to me, “You are complaining about wind chimes, somewhere in the complex. You don’t know where they are and they don’t know what wind chimes are….”. Honey, they do now. Since the wind chimes kept chiming, it was quite obvious that nothing was being done, but then it was New Years Eve and a holiday, so more waiting. The first working day (and there are so many holidays in Malaysia it’s hard to know when the management office staff does work) I dragged Ms. Incompetent I to my balcony so she could listen (this is after walking all around the complex myself, not able to find the chimes). At least she admitted she could hear the chimes…so I was not completely out of my mind.

But again, days passed and at this point I either had to keep our living room windows closed using a/c (no fresh air…not acceptable) or wear earplugs–I kid thee not–to sit on our balcony to read/type/drink…again, not acceptable. After more than two weeks of chimes permeating my brain, I was on my way with concealed weapons to complain at the office again, but I luckily ran into Ms. Toco who walked over with me to the outside ground floor pool area. We cupped our ears and listened together. Did I hear the Whos Down in Whoville: “Fah who for-aze!”….no, just Ms. Toco agreeing she could hear wind chimes and she would try to do something about it asap. Within two hours, a knock at my door and Ms. Incompetent II had been sent to let me know that the chimes belonged to the penthouse across from us (we are on the 6th floor, penthouse on the 9th floor) and though the owners weren’t home they would contact the maid to take the chimes down. I thanked her profusely and was considering buying flowers for all the management staff regardless of earlier indifference, out of sheer glee…but then, but then…hmmm. Two hours, four hours, end of day and the chimes were still chiming and then, the management office was closed for the weekend. Oh my God. Another weekend of chiming. Poor husband.

My story continues on the Monday of this past week (it is now Friday, the 16th…which makes it exactly three weeks since I first complained about these damn chimes….). Considering the length of this rant, I am sure you can guess that the chimes remain. Apparently, the maid was not willing to take chimes down w/o tenant’s consent. Tenant not answering phone or emails. Tenant’s wife nowhere to be found (either that, or wife not allowed to make decision…).

I am now visiting the management office twice a day. Morning to see progress to date and evening before closing to complain about lack of progress. Since the management does not even seem to know their own house rules, I pointed out to them that clause 2.4 “Nuisance”, states:

“a) Resident(s) shall at all times conduct themselves in a manner, which will not cause any nuisance to other person(s) in the Residence. The Management reserves the right to call the police or seek legal recourse to abate or stop such nuisance and such Resident(s) shall indemnify the Management against all costs incurred as a result thereof.
b) Resident(s) shall not operate any radio, television, hi-fi equipment or other musical instruments that will interfere with the peaceful enjoyment of other residents”.

Um, seems pretty clear to me. Wind chimes are musical instruments by definition (”played” by the wind). They are somewhere on the penthouse balcony and they are a nuisance. It’s been three weeks since I’ve had any “peaceful enjoyment” of the apartment.
I am so irate at this point that a management meeting was held on Wednesday and I am told yesterday/Thursday (but only when I visited the office…no one was about to call or tell me in person….) that the head of the company that manages the apartment complex has stated that because the chimes are within the property of the penthouse (just “outside” a door somewhere) that nothing can be done. Well, okay that and the fact that the penthouse tenant is probably someone with a great deal of money and connections and no doubt a close friend of the company president. No one can reach the tenant and the chimes are not coming down.

For anyone who knows me, whatever issue is at hand, the principle behind the problem/solution is as important as the issue itself.

We are talking major principle here. I tried to explain to Ms. Incompetent I…”hmmm, so if I decide to play really loud music but it’s within my property, say with the balcony windows open so all can hear, there is nothing you can do about it even if the neighbors complain or even if it’s a nuisance to the neighbors?”…her eyes just veiled over in the “I’m just the messenger and have no ideas or opinions or solutions of my own to offer”. I asked her about the house rules and she said I could write a letter to the management. Somehow I think that if I started to play Guns & Roses at top decibel level so that my penthouse neighbors across the way could hear, there would be security at the door (with or w/o my presence) telling the maid or getting a key for security to enter and turn off the hi-fi system. Or the police, or legal recourse as stated in the House Rules.

Indeed, husband is currently writing said letter. I don’t think he will let me go to the meeting with the manager as there is no mantra that is going to calm me down at this point. I am currently googling to find out the closest retailer where I can buy a cross bow to fling fiery chime-seeking arrows, or perhaps a strobe light that I can aim from my balcony into the penthouse’s windows (no nuisance to me!). Time to stop paying rent. Time to reserve my own right to “seek police or legal recourse” to deal with illogical and incompetent management. Or maybe a large bribe will do.

You know I’ve passed the threshold of insanity when the 10-hour daily screams of “Marco Polo” by children in the pool no longer bother me; it’s white noise compared to these wind chimes.

So indeed, this may be my final final blog. I’ll ask Michael to let you all know when I’m taken away in a strait jacket. Ching ching ching.